Today begins the 64th year towards my rainbow, and as we all know we can have some pretty strange thoughts on our birthdays. Last year, I was stricken by insight when I realized that I had never been quite so old on a b’day. Kath quickly pointed out the fallacy in my argument.
This morning, I was REALLY enjoying my Kellogg’s of Battle Creek Raisin Bran (I have eaten it almost every day of my life) when I fell prey to a terrible insight. I thought to myself “What if the grains and raisins I love so much in this cereal aren’t 100% grown in Battle Creek Michigan”?
This was a great big AYE CARAMBA! What about the legendary Battle Creek terroir? Had my precious Raisin Bran sold its soul to Beelzebub? What if 25% of the raisins were, gasp, from grapes grown in California. Would this ruin Kellogg’s Raisin Bran for me forever? Would I have to cancel my membership in their cereal club?
I immediately did some research to assuage my fears, and things only got worse. I discovered that Kellogg’s of Battle Creek cereal was made in 18 countries with the largest factory in Manchester Great Britain.
This was a super AYE CARAMBA. Heart broken, I realized there was no way everything in that cereal came from Battle Creek Michigan. This was worse than the truth about Santa.
By now, I was really paranoid and checked out the can of Lone Star Beer I pour on my cereal every morning. Another AYE CARAMBA! It was brewed in Fort Worth, not my beloved home town of San Antonio.
Say it ain’t so, Joe. We used to guzzle pitchers of it for $2.50 at the Lone Star Pavilion across from the Hemisfair Arena before Spurs games; it was brewed only a few miles away. How can it still be “The National Beer of Texas” if it’s not made in the Alamo City!
Had enough of this silliness? I hope you get my drift…